Batavia, dan Ia.

Euphoria batavia bagiku selalu sama. 

Ada yang tertinggal di sana, entah rasa, ataupun asa. 

Euphoria batavia bagiku selalu sama. 

Tersirat padanya memoir masa ke masa. 

Euphoria batavia bagiku selalu sama. 

Tertinggal dalamnya asa yang tak lagi bermakna. 

Kemarin berkunjung pada batavia. 

Kemarin sempat merasa ada. 

Namun entah sekitar 5 atau 7 detik setelahnya, aku tersadar. 

Bahwa halnya tak nyata. 

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Kepada tuan, yang tak lagi dalam pelukkan. 

Kepada tuan, yang tak sedang di genggaman.

Batavia, bagiku selalu sama. 

Namun, kau hanyalah kegagalan asa. 

Kepada tuan, yang kini hanya kawan. 

Semoga tak ada lagi masa, di mana kau ada, namun tak nyata. 

ARL, June 19 2016.

ARL's Word

Halo! It's been almost 3 months since my last post, such a drama post. 

This last three months going so unpredictable for me. 

The broken-hearted, friendship-silly-fight, the truths, the lies, the hurts, the happiness, red marks on calculus mid term exam (lol), too many to type. 

And now, what im goin to share is about "life".

I call my life "a roller coaster life", why? it never works as i planned. the upside down is too extreme for me. The second i think i dont ready yet, is  the second that i have to deal with it, with every-"i dont ready yet"-thing. 

Me, as a forever drama queen always complicated a thing. Too easy to cry, too easy to angry, too easy to get hurt, too easy hurting someone, too much debate a-no need to debate-thing, too much give a fuck to a-no matter-thing, too much thingking, and the other too much, and it become a my kind of selfharm (it isnt cutting hand, drugs, or something like that, its just make my life more complicated) 

Then something makes me finally changed, to be a super drama-less queen. Changed into someone who never complicated a thing, that wont cry easily. Changed into someone who never give a fuck of anything, everything that didnt bothering her. I changed into a super-careless-one. I changed into somebody that so fucking not me. 

It was going fine for almost one month, but then theres something from my deepest heart tell me its wrong. I would never be fine to be someone who i never want to. 

It may feels nice at first, but then i realize that it isnt life that i wanna live. It isnt the story i wanna remember. It isnt fine, clearly. 

It never so easy to find out whats the right thing to do. It never so easy to find out our real identity. It never so easy to find out what life that we really want to live, sometime it seems fine, but right after, we finally realize it isnt. It never so easy, at least, for me. 

This late 11 months teaches me that its fine to be me. Its fine to be the drama queen. Its fine to complicate the things. But, i need to know the right time to do anything. I need to know when and how. I dont need to change, i dont need to change my whole life, i dont need to really get out from my comfort zone. 

I just need a little improvement, an "i will comfort" improvement. I just need to be the best of me.

I just need time to develop the improvement step by step. I just need something that finally get the best of me out. 

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And i finally did it. I finally dont have to change my whole life nor do my old self harm. I finally found it, the thing that drag my best of me out. 

This late 11 months already makes me find the 2 revolution of my life. 

First, to be someone that i never want to, to stop my complicated messy life, 

And second, to be the best of me. 

And for all of you, the unstable yet people like me, u just have to try and try, u just have to find out. Give the best effort for your best life want to live. 

Find your passion. 

Find the thing you like.

Find the one you love. 

Find the reason for you to survive.

Find your own scenario. 

Find your own happiness. 

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Find it, my friend. 

-ARL, 19 April 2016

Kebanyakan lelaki seperti itu.
Mengambil hati, lalu lekas pergi.


-ARL, 27 Januari 2016

My "Teman Hidup" type.

So, connect with my broken heart story, many friends finally asked me if my ex was my type for "Teman Hidup" so i couldn't move on easily?

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Here i am now finally sharing about my "Teman Hidup" type. I'll mention it directly with a number incase you wanna know which one is the most important.

1.Believe the power of Doa.

Why i put it first? Because i have to feeling so sure that if i have to die first, someone will always send a prayer for me, LOL.

No, not like that. Because i believe in god, and i believe the power of Doa. I need "Teman Hidup" who believes what i believe, so he can always reminds me if i lost my faith, and vice versa. I need to be sure that my life will never being so far from doa, and from god exactly. Because i'm so sure that everything i do, will never going success without doa.

2.Future Minded Guy.

I mean, at least the guy who knows what he going to do after graduate. I have no interest with "Liat nanti aja" guy, for example, if i ask him, "what are you going to be? / to do after graduate from this college?" he reply, "I dont know, liat nanti aja" ugh :( i really dont like this type of guy. Future minded doesn't mean too much expectation, i want a guy who knows what he going to do/ to be after graduate and shows me his effort to reach it. :)

3.Honest.

I need a guy who will gonna share his whole life, e-ve-ry-thing with me. Theres no lie, theres no walls, theres nothing covered from me.

Because for me, married is when two people, two lifes, two hearts, to souls, becoming one. Theres no reason to be lie for, if someone truly loves his/her life partner.

4.Royal.

I am not that materialistic type of girl, but i will always put "royal" to important things when talk about "teman hidup" type.

Because can you imagine to live the rest of your life with a guy who will always counting how much he waste his wealth to defray your life? It will so suck yea? So what i mean with Royal is, he enjoy his life with me, work together, collect the wealth together, and waste it together without one of us has the uncomfy feeling about the wealth.

5.Patience.

Why the patience "Teman Hidup" is important to me?

Because i am the drama queen that get angry and cry so fucking easily. The most unimportant things can bothering my day so much. And my mood is swing everysecond of my life, OMG. I can be so nice in this second and become so unfriendly for the next second, like that.

So i need the most patience "Teman Hidup" to handle my bad habit, and if i can ask for more, i need someone not just patience to handle it, but also have a ton extra of patience to helps me change this bad habit of mine. :)

I think 5 is too much to type right? HEHE, my hand is so fucking tired.

BUT ABOVE ALL, THE MOST IMPORTANT THING ABOUT MY TYPE FOR "TEMAN HIDUP" IS ; HE LOVES ME LIKE HE LOVES HIMSELF, SO THAT HE NOT GONNA LEAVE ME, NO MATTER HARD THE SITUATION, UNTIL THE DEATH TEAR US APART.

-ARL, 10 Januari 2016

This week going too fine, for me. 

But it isn't, for some of my friend. 

Beberapa hari ini line chat berisi curhatan2 galau temen2, it's probably weird why they choose me to be their advicer, secara kadang gue gila gt kan kalo kasih solusi (kadang ada yang curhat galau soal holding on or letting go & gue cm jawab udah putusin udah.... without notice the whole stories) 

BUT, for this few days, gue waras banget. Kayanya sih karna gue jg fresh broken hearted & sudah sadar kalo sadness need to be cut. 

Disini gue mau cerita soal broken heart and way to handle it based on my point of view aja yaa :) No offense buat siapapun yang baca ini. 

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Ever been in love with one guy for almost 4 years makes me hard to letting go, and surely, to move on, ((yang setahun aja susah move on ya kebayang dong gue gimana susahnya)). I love him dari awal kita sama sama naik bajai, metromini, angkot, -paling mewah- taksi, sampeee pada akhirnya bisa naik mobil, kebayang dong? All i got to do is cried all day & all night long.

Nangis, dan chat semua orang yang deket sm gue ((tipikal cancer)). Meraung raung minta advice sana sini, pas di ingetin sih sadar, kelar chat udah mewek lagi kaya orang tolol. It went so wrong for almost 3 months lah.. Sometimes i wrote the broken heart poems in this blog HEHEHE some of my posts are about him but im not gonna delete it ((to reminds me that i'd ever been too weak before))

Sempet juga post2 foto berdua cowo dan sengaja ga nge private instagram incase doi lagi kepo sama mantannya ini dan liat ig trs berharap dia feeling worse dong liat gue sama cowo. Ada juga sengaja ngepost snapchat sama cowo biar doi liat gt kan gue di kelilingi cowo2 HAHAHA i swear ini konyol banget tapiii sukses sih buat kesenangan sendiri, soalnyaaaa doi langsung delete sc gue begitu liat gue sc sama cowo, dan doi sempet block ig gue pas gue post foto sm cowo (padahal udah ga follow2an) otomatis he typed my instagram's username on search column dong :)) LOL. Ya intinya apapun gue lakuin supaya terlihat bahagia tanpa dia. But, at the end, gue bakal nangis nyesek2 lagi pas liat liat video, foto, notes, ya pokoknya my ex's stuff deh. Kaya yang gue lakuin selama ini salah dong, karna toh ga bikin gue bahagia jg?

Mikiiiiir, mikiiiiir, dan mikiiiir. Semua hal punya hikmah tersendiri, even worst moment, ya kaya broke up kita itu. Im not gonna mention the religious stuff here intinya semua usaha & doa kejawab dong pada akhirnya. Ya tau dong siapa maha dari segala maha? Tau dong siapa yang mampu menyelesaikan semua masalah? :)) 

Usaha gue buat mature selama ini ternyata ga gagal, walaupun ga fully mature, seengganya in this case gue bisa mature dong :) 

Sekarang semua bahagia bukan lagi buat nunjukkin ke dia, sekarang juga udah ga cape2 faking happiness because, the happiness is so real for me. I get my life back. Bukan karena siapa siapa, all by my self :) 

Emang ternyata hidup itu pilihan. ya kalo kita pilih buat sedih, ya we finally have to deal with the sadness. Tapi saatnya kita pilih buat bahagia, we finally get it :) 

Emang juga nih, TIME HEALS WOUND. Gue kira sih lukanya ga akan pernah sembuh sampe nikah nanti, eh 2015 belum abis aja gue udah lupa sakitnya kaya apa, lukanya segede apa, completely forgot. 

I am now talking about it bukan berarti gabisa move on loh :) i just wanna share what i got ajasih :) 

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Jadi buat yang broken heart di luar sana, go get your life back baby. Jangan pernah mikir ada orang yang bisa pergi sambil bawa setengah hati lo, karna realnya hati gabisa dong di bawa2 gt? kecuali lo mati. Gausah banyak drama kalo lagi patah hati, it kills you slowly. Tunjukkin kalo lo independent, be mature :) 

-XOXO, ARL 9 JANUARI 2016

Teruntuk Rindu

Malam ini merindu. 

Habis dari pantai, lalu bersendu. 

Aku ingat kamu. 

Yang sudah berbulan bulan tak bertemu 

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Semoga sehat selalu

Kamu, lelakiku. 

Dari aku, dan waktu 5 jam lebih cepat dari waktumu. 

-ARL, 8 Januari 2016