The Reason Why I Love Him

The simple reason is, because he's here, for me.
If he isnt for me, i wouldnt love him like now.
I Love him, because its him.
If its not him, i wouldnt love him, because its not him that i'll love.

I Love him, for all his efforts for me.
For trying as long as he could to understand the so-hard-to-be-understood-woman like me.
For trying as long as he could to be there for me everytime i need him.
For trying as long as he could to be the water in our fights.
For trying as long as he could to make me smile thru my bad day.
For trying to make me love him as natural as the rose bloom.

I Love him, for the butterflies that tickled my stomach everytime i see his eyes directly.
I Love him, for the little sweet things he did, like a pink pretty rose on our 1st so-not-anniversary.
I Love him, for ask me to be with him in the serious string.
I Love him, for the time he wasted to text me just to check my life.
I Love him, for the energy he wasted to meet me even if i said i never miss him, but actually i lied.
I Love him, for the patiences he serves to me.
I Love him, for the reason that the language on earth failed to mention.

I Love him.



ARL.

How i found my Love (re: my Hutomo)

Im not going to censor his name on my blog. 

I post this incase i get the alzheimer 80 years from now but dying to remember moment with him. 

Namanya, Hutomo Indra Praja, namanya terlalu jawa, tapi kulitnya lebih ke africa (re: iteeeeem bgt), gue biasa manggil "bang tomo" atau "abang".

Honestly gue ga terlalu inget sama pertemuan pertama kita, literally ga inget. Jadi sebenernya kalo ketemu mah sering banget tp gue ga sadar itutu dia. 

Tapi dia inget katanya pertama kali ngobrol itu malem malem pas ada musyawarah mahasiswa teknik industri untirta tahun 2016. Dan gue yang inget tanggalnya, 25 Maret 2016. 

So, 25 Maret 2016 itu kita berdua declared as tanggal pertama ketemu, intinya semua berawal dari sini. 

Perbincangan pertamanya seinget dia vespa, tp gue ingetnya gue ngomongin vespa sama senior gue yang lain. Oiya gue belum cerita yaaa, jadi gue saat itu mahasiswa semester 2 di Teknik Industri Universitas Sultan Ageng Tirtayasa, kita ada di prodi yang sama, yang beda adalah dia angkatan 2011, gue 2015. 

Gatau deh gimana ceritanya bisa chatan, karna gue udh ngapus chat yang dulu dulu, begitu juga dia ((rada nyesel sih gue gabisa mengenang)). 

Seinget gue, dia suka ikut2an temennya godain kalo gue lewat tempat nongkrongnya, which is kantin depan. "alifa cantik banget sih", selalu kaya gitu. 

Berlanjut dia tiba tiba curhat yang deep gitu ke gue. Kalo yang ini gue inget banget! dia curhat ke gue mintanya face to face, biasanya gini nih ngmgnya "yaudah nanti abang ceritain ya pas ketemu", trs yaudah di sela sela kesibukan gue sempetin sebelum pulang ke samping aula, disitu cerita hadep2an. curhatannya gausah gue paparin disini lahya wqwqwq pokoknya dia curhatnya deep banget soal perasaan dia. Dan gue sama dia literally seriiiiiing banget chatan, kalo dibilang intense ya intense, kaya kalo 2 hari ga chatan aja tuh udh langsung bakal dia chat "sombong" "mbong" kaya gitulah intinya.

Sisa chat yang paling lama adalah 22 Juli 2016 tiba tiba dia ngatain gue php, kayanya sih dia ngajak nongkrong dimana gitu trs gajadi jadi dia bilang dia mau ganti nama gue dengan "nona php" di linenya... 

Gue lupa sejak kapan, dia officially jadi abang gue (abang-abang an), tp disitu gue maksa kaya abang gue ada 4, salah satunya dia, dan gue punya aturan sendiri dan sangat sepihak untuk abang abang gue. 

ATURAN MPA UNTUK ABANG-ABANG MPA : 

1. Gaboleh punya pacar sebelum mpa punya pacar 

2. Gaboleh nikah sebelum mpa nikah 

Sejak itu ada kayanya sampe 3-4 bulan atau 2-3 bulan lah gitu gue selalu ngintilin mereka nongkrong literally ikutan nongkrong sampe jam 11 an, karna kalo engga gue pasti di bully :( 

Awalnya 4, berkurang 1, bekurang 2, dan tinggal 2 nih, bang tomo, dan 1 abang lainnya. Lalu mereka berubah menjadi yang TER-SELALU ADA. 

Mereka kaya bagi tugas ngejaga gue, kadang yang nyetirin gue kalo malem itu bang tomo, abang satunya ngikutin naik motor gitu ((padahal tempat nongkrongnya deket bgt dr rumah wqwq)) kadang gantian yang nyetir abang satunya dan bang tomo ngikutin dr belakang, lol. 

Terus ya malem kalo gue kesepian, mereka akan jadi temen chat an gue, pokoknya gue aman banget lah ga pernah kesepian lagi semenjak ada mereka. 

Puncaknya adalah pas gue sakit, mereka literally gantian jagain gue. Terus pas pertama mereka dateng mereka kasih gue boneka pink pony yang super cute dan notes kecil yang baru baru ini gue tau kalo itu cuma dari bang tomo aja. Yang nginep gantian jagain gue sih emang banyak, tp pas gue inget2 sih, selama gue sakit itu bang tomo selalu nunggu gue sampe tidur, baru dia tidur, jadi kalo gue udh merem baru dia pindah tempat gituu. Semenjak itu tuh 2 abang ini bener bener jadi rasa pacar, ingetin semua pola hidup gue, kaya malah private reminder gue, kalo malem mereka selalu mastiin gue bisa tidur, kalo siang mereka mastiin gue makan yang bener. Pokoknya gue sayang banget banget lah disitu udh poll ((sebagai abang)). 

Dilanjut dengan tragedi mobil gue tabrakan sama gerobak mamang tahu gejrot :( Mereka berdua juga ada buat gue!! seada itu.

Oiya ada yang kelewat, gue baru nanya ini tadi banget ke dia, jadi sekitar sebulan lebih sebelum gue sakit, dia pernah bilang ke gue kalo dia sayang sm seseorang dan pingin lebih deket lagi, trs kaya 2 mingguan gitu dia gamau ngasih tau gue, sampe ada event kaderisasi  di bandung gt gue sebis sama dia, dia cuma ketawa tawa staring at me, terus bilang "udah doain aja abang jodoh sm dia ya". Setelah gue paksa berkali kali dia akhirnya nyebut satu nama yang gue percaya sampe minggu lalu. Kenapa sampe minggu lalu? Soalnya minggu lalu dia baru aja ngasih tau gue sebenernya orang yang dia sayang itu gue, gue percaya sih, sekitar 50,1% percayanya lol, dia bilang dia terlalu malu soalnya gue sering cengin dia gitu "awas baper sm aku" "awas suka aku" "awas naksir aku" dan karna katanya waktu itu gue masih selalu ngomongin mantan gue ((ini versi mulutnya ya gatau hatinya wkwk))

Lanjut ke kejadian yang bikin gue ga percaya sama abang gue yang satunya, jd bener bener sisa bang tomo ini. Secara ga sadar jd lebih intense dan ngabarin tuh jadi kebutuhan, kaya nyuruh shalat nyuruh makan (walaupun ga sweet) nyuruhnya paling "jangan lupa makan lu" "fix ga shalat subuh" tp ya intinya udh poll lah perhatiannya kalo di inget-inget. 

TAPIIII berantemnya juga poll, mulai dari desember tuh orang2 sekitar gue dan bang tomo udah mulai mempertanyakan dan bikin statement kalo what we both did itu bukan abang-ade stuffs. Sampe ada yang bilang, yang pacaran aja kalah. Dan sampe pada menafsirkan perasaan bang tomo ke gue dan mungkin perasaan gue ke bang tomo juga (inisih yg paling bothering) sedangkan kita berdua ga pernah sekalipun nyinggung perasaan. Kita sering banget berantem sampe mau pergi fix banget gt, tp at the end, kita bakal still going on.
Klimaksnya adalah pas gue di tanya tanya such as interogasi sama temen2 bang tomo, sampe yang kaya di kulik gt. Disitu yang gue sampe depressed banget takutnya mereka juga mengartikan perasaan gue ke bang tomo dan bang tomo mikirnya gue into dia. Terus tanggal 2 februari gue decided untuk jaga jarak dari bang tomo, to shows people kalo kita real abang adek. Tapi dan tapiiiii, gue menahannya tuh nyeseq banget, jadi gue mempertanyakan diri gue sendiri dong kenapa harus galau. Dan bang tomo tiap malem post lagu galau dong di snapgram dan begonya gue di malem ketiga, gue kira itu lagu jatuh cinta dan gue automatically chat di snapgram "nyekill (modusin) cewe ya" dan malu banget dong HAHAHAHA pas gue perhatiin itu lagu patah hati, judulnya "Tempat Aku Pulang" by Fierza B. Surprisingly, dia bilang itu buat gue lol jadi dia ni ternyata pingin banget kaliya gue jd tempat pulangnyaa..
Keselnya itu, dia sistemnya kode kode dan gue ini orang tergapeka sedunia, gue gatau kode dia sampe gue nangis dan dia baru bilang kalo dia sayang gue, kalo dia eventually jatuh cinta sama gue wkwkwk.


Jadi gitudeh ceritanya sampe our feel declaration, sampe sekarang hubungannya masih abang adek kok, abang adek seumur idup ((if you know what i mean)).

Semoga abang ga pernah baca ini.

Semoga yang baca ga nyinyirin aku. 

-ARL, 3 April 2017

P.S I LOVE YOU

December.

I Always hate the december. 

Not the month, but the feeling i feel during it.

I Always hate the december. 

My heart rainy, just like the weather. 

I Always hate the december. 

My broken heart, I still remember. 

I Always hate the december. 

I cant control my feel, never.

January, come fast. I beg you. 

ARL, December 1st 2016 

Batavia, dan Ia.

Euphoria batavia bagiku selalu sama. 

Ada yang tertinggal di sana, entah rasa, ataupun asa. 

Euphoria batavia bagiku selalu sama. 

Tersirat padanya memoir masa ke masa. 

Euphoria batavia bagiku selalu sama. 

Tertinggal dalamnya asa yang tak lagi bermakna. 

Kemarin berkunjung pada batavia. 

Kemarin sempat merasa ada. 

Namun entah sekitar 5 atau 7 detik setelahnya, aku tersadar. 

Bahwa halnya tak nyata. 

.

.

.

.

.

Kepada tuan, yang tak lagi dalam pelukkan. 

Kepada tuan, yang tak sedang di genggaman.

Batavia, bagiku selalu sama. 

Namun, kau hanyalah kegagalan asa. 

Kepada tuan, yang kini hanya kawan. 

Semoga tak ada lagi masa, di mana kau ada, namun tak nyata. 

ARL, June 19 2016.

ARL's Word

Halo! It's been almost 3 months since my last post, such a drama post. 

This last three months going so unpredictable for me. 

The broken-hearted, friendship-silly-fight, the truths, the lies, the hurts, the happiness, red marks on calculus mid term exam (lol), too many to type. 

And now, what im goin to share is about "life".

I call my life "a roller coaster life", why? it never works as i planned. the upside down is too extreme for me. The second i think i dont ready yet, is  the second that i have to deal with it, with every-"i dont ready yet"-thing. 

Me, as a forever drama queen always complicated a thing. Too easy to cry, too easy to angry, too easy to get hurt, too easy hurting someone, too much debate a-no need to debate-thing, too much give a fuck to a-no matter-thing, too much thingking, and the other too much, and it become a my kind of selfharm (it isnt cutting hand, drugs, or something like that, its just make my life more complicated) 

Then something makes me finally changed, to be a super drama-less queen. Changed into someone who never complicated a thing, that wont cry easily. Changed into someone who never give a fuck of anything, everything that didnt bothering her. I changed into a super-careless-one. I changed into somebody that so fucking not me. 

It was going fine for almost one month, but then theres something from my deepest heart tell me its wrong. I would never be fine to be someone who i never want to. 

It may feels nice at first, but then i realize that it isnt life that i wanna live. It isnt the story i wanna remember. It isnt fine, clearly. 

It never so easy to find out whats the right thing to do. It never so easy to find out our real identity. It never so easy to find out what life that we really want to live, sometime it seems fine, but right after, we finally realize it isnt. It never so easy, at least, for me. 

This late 11 months teaches me that its fine to be me. Its fine to be the drama queen. Its fine to complicate the things. But, i need to know the right time to do anything. I need to know when and how. I dont need to change, i dont need to change my whole life, i dont need to really get out from my comfort zone. 

I just need a little improvement, an "i will comfort" improvement. I just need to be the best of me.

I just need time to develop the improvement step by step. I just need something that finally get the best of me out. 

.

.

.

And i finally did it. I finally dont have to change my whole life nor do my old self harm. I finally found it, the thing that drag my best of me out. 

This late 11 months already makes me find the 2 revolution of my life. 

First, to be someone that i never want to, to stop my complicated messy life, 

And second, to be the best of me. 

And for all of you, the unstable yet people like me, u just have to try and try, u just have to find out. Give the best effort for your best life want to live. 

Find your passion. 

Find the thing you like.

Find the one you love. 

Find the reason for you to survive.

Find your own scenario. 

Find your own happiness. 

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Find it, my friend. 

-ARL, 19 April 2016

Kebanyakan lelaki seperti itu.
Mengambil hati, lalu lekas pergi.


-ARL, 27 Januari 2016

My "Teman Hidup" type.

So, connect with my broken heart story, many friends finally asked me if my ex was my type for "Teman Hidup" so i couldn't move on easily?

.

.

Here i am now finally sharing about my "Teman Hidup" type. I'll mention it directly with a number incase you wanna know which one is the most important.

1.Believe the power of Doa.

Why i put it first? Because i have to feeling so sure that if i have to die first, someone will always send a prayer for me, LOL.

No, not like that. Because i believe in god, and i believe the power of Doa. I need "Teman Hidup" who believes what i believe, so he can always reminds me if i lost my faith, and vice versa. I need to be sure that my life will never being so far from doa, and from god exactly. Because i'm so sure that everything i do, will never going success without doa.

2.Future Minded Guy.

I mean, at least the guy who knows what he going to do after graduate. I have no interest with "Liat nanti aja" guy, for example, if i ask him, "what are you going to be? / to do after graduate from this college?" he reply, "I dont know, liat nanti aja" ugh :( i really dont like this type of guy. Future minded doesn't mean too much expectation, i want a guy who knows what he going to do/ to be after graduate and shows me his effort to reach it. :)

3.Honest.

I need a guy who will gonna share his whole life, e-ve-ry-thing with me. Theres no lie, theres no walls, theres nothing covered from me.

Because for me, married is when two people, two lifes, two hearts, to souls, becoming one. Theres no reason to be lie for, if someone truly loves his/her life partner.

4.Royal.

I am not that materialistic type of girl, but i will always put "royal" to important things when talk about "teman hidup" type.

Because can you imagine to live the rest of your life with a guy who will always counting how much he waste his wealth to defray your life? It will so suck yea? So what i mean with Royal is, he enjoy his life with me, work together, collect the wealth together, and waste it together without one of us has the uncomfy feeling about the wealth.

5.Patience.

Why the patience "Teman Hidup" is important to me?

Because i am the drama queen that get angry and cry so fucking easily. The most unimportant things can bothering my day so much. And my mood is swing everysecond of my life, OMG. I can be so nice in this second and become so unfriendly for the next second, like that.

So i need the most patience "Teman Hidup" to handle my bad habit, and if i can ask for more, i need someone not just patience to handle it, but also have a ton extra of patience to helps me change this bad habit of mine. :)

I think 5 is too much to type right? HEHE, my hand is so fucking tired.

BUT ABOVE ALL, THE MOST IMPORTANT THING ABOUT MY TYPE FOR "TEMAN HIDUP" IS ; HE LOVES ME LIKE HE LOVES HIMSELF, SO THAT HE NOT GONNA LEAVE ME, NO MATTER HARD THE SITUATION, UNTIL THE DEATH TEAR US APART.

-ARL, 10 Januari 2016