Halo! It's been almost 3 months since my last post, such a drama post.
This last three months going so unpredictable for me.
The broken-hearted, friendship-silly-fight, the truths, the lies, the hurts, the happiness, red marks on calculus mid term exam (lol), too many to type.
And now, what im goin to share is about "life".
I call my life "a roller coaster life", why? it never works as i planned. the upside down is too extreme for me. The second i think i dont ready yet, is the second that i have to deal with it, with every-"i dont ready yet"-thing.
Me, as a forever drama queen always complicated a thing. Too easy to cry, too easy to angry, too easy to get hurt, too easy hurting someone, too much debate a-no need to debate-thing, too much give a fuck to a-no matter-thing, too much thingking, and the other too much, and it become a my kind of selfharm (it isnt cutting hand, drugs, or something like that, its just make my life more complicated)
Then something makes me finally changed, to be a super drama-less queen. Changed into someone who never complicated a thing, that wont cry easily. Changed into someone who never give a fuck of anything, everything that didnt bothering her. I changed into a super-careless-one. I changed into somebody that so fucking not me.
It was going fine for almost one month, but then theres something from my deepest heart tell me its wrong. I would never be fine to be someone who i never want to.
It may feels nice at first, but then i realize that it isnt life that i wanna live. It isnt the story i wanna remember. It isnt fine, clearly.
It never so easy to find out whats the right thing to do. It never so easy to find out our real identity. It never so easy to find out what life that we really want to live, sometime it seems fine, but right after, we finally realize it isnt. It never so easy, at least, for me.
This late 11 months teaches me that its fine to be me. Its fine to be the drama queen. Its fine to complicate the things. But, i need to know the right time to do anything. I need to know when and how. I dont need to change, i dont need to change my whole life, i dont need to really get out from my comfort zone.
I just need a little improvement, an "i will comfort" improvement. I just need to be the best of me.
I just need time to develop the improvement step by step. I just need something that finally get the best of me out.
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And i finally did it. I finally dont have to change my whole life nor do my old self harm. I finally found it, the thing that drag my best of me out.
This late 11 months already makes me find the 2 revolution of my life.
First, to be someone that i never want to, to stop my complicated messy life,
And second, to be the best of me.
And for all of you, the unstable yet people like me, u just have to try and try, u just have to find out. Give the best effort for your best life want to live.
Find your passion.
Find the thing you like.
Find the one you love.
Find the reason for you to survive.
Find your own scenario.
Find your own happiness.
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Find it, my friend.
-ARL, 19 April 2016
